Why do I cry? I cry for you Illini. A crushing defeat. And to Iowa. Iowa!???!? Let’s review. Illinois sits comfortably in the Midwest. So does Iowa. Illinois has cows and hogs and corn and beans. So does Iowa. Both states are named after their native American ancestors. And you can hit a deer on I-80 in either state. Illinois hides weapons of mass destruction in nuclear silos. So does Iowa. Illinios has the mighty Mississippi. But it shares it with Iowa. Although, Illinois levees it, so Iowa floods. Illinois has the historical Springfield. And Iowa has Des Moines. We have Chicago, Chi-town, an actual urban center. They do have Keakuk. (Where??). We beat Iowa (the 29th State) when we became the 21st. We are the land of Lincoln. They don’t even HAVE a slogan. And we have a whole president (and that’s not even Counting Regan). The Great Emancipator. Which, of course, we’d need more, since 92.6% of Iowans look exactly the same. But mainly, we are the mighty fighting Illini. And we lost to the silly Hawkeyes. And frankly. It’s embarrassing.